Notes from the Underground #9 - I Remember

Today's notes from the underground sums up something that I was always scared to admit but also didn't want to face when I was happy, because it made me feel like I was letting the darkness win. 

The lyric drawn today comes from the A Day to remember song 'I Remember' and before we look at the main lyric, I wanted to quickly message another powerful one from the song, which may speak to people who are feeling down. 

Whenever I would get down and this song would come on, I would focus on one line: 

"Everyone loves me for my past, but they always hate me in the present"

Everything inside me felt like this was true; that I wasn't good enough for anything and that I should end it all and let people remember the good memories of me and not me as a 'f*ck up'. This was the darkness just pouring in negativity and not allow me to see the good I was doing and would constantly send through thoughts which sunk me lower and lower. It would tell me I need to change; become normal (what is normal?) and that I was truly weird. 

However, it's this weeks Note from the underground which I took from this song, which has become more important and helped me fight back against the darkness. 

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It's so cliche on first glance and for a while I didn't want to believe it. I would hear it and think  "How am I growing?" and "These hard times will last forever" but when I came out of the dark period and hear the song, it would allow me to think more and see just how much I have grown over the last few years. 

It has allowed to begin to not worry as much what other people may be thinking about me. We can't control what people think about us or even know what they are thinking. It's better to focus on controlling what I think and feel and everything else will fall into place. 

Growth is taking it's time, but alot more I am wanting to fight through the negativity that crops up and tell myself that I've been through the dark and I'm still standing. That is truly what I've learnt the most; i've been to the depths of my mind and on the edge of wanting to end it all but I'm still here and pushing forward. 

This lyric can also help everybody; whether it's a stressful time at work, uni, school or in your life in general. At anypoint we are being tested, it may not feel it at the time but we will grow the most from it. No matter how big or small, the challenge will improve us and take us to the next level. Growth doesn't have to be the life altering realistion that you don't want to end it all, but just getting through that week at work or preparing for, and taking, your exam will lead you to better things and allow you to push forward to greater things. 

They say it often in sport, that you learn more from one defeat, than 10 wins in a row. While everyone loves the winning feeling, it can lead us to relax and not work to our maximum. You start playing like you think you will win and not pick up on what you need to improve. 

I've learnt that it's about looking at tough situations as learning moments and not failures. Just like the butterfly effect, if you change just one small thing, you wouldn't be in the position you are now and have gained the most important thing of all: experience. 

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(Inside my wallet to help me everyday)