Notes from the Underground #8: Psychosocial

This weeks note from the underground comes from a band who get a reaction just from speaking their name; Slipknot. 

Even before I found my love of heavier music, I knew of Slipknot and wasn't the biggest fan. Not because I'd heard the music, but because I listened to other people and knew them as really heavy and just a band that "screams". How wrong I was...

Upon listening to Slipknot, I've realised how talented they are and how much their music can get you pumped up but also allow you to be self reflective when it is required. Also, Corey Taylor is one of the most dynamic and inspirational frontmen in the history of music. 

The following lyric comes from an album they did in 2008 and it took me a while to get my head around what it means to me, but I'm glad I spent that time doing it. 


I'm not a religious person, so the word 'Martyr' was one I'd always associated with religion or politics and being killed for your views, but via the good ole Cambridge Dictionary, I found the meaning and the penny dropped to how powerful and understanding this lyric is. They describe a Martyr as: 

"A person who suffers greatly". 

When the penny dropped I realised that, to me, I was someone who was preserving the darkness/pain inside of me, by not talking about it and feeding it all the time by believing in my negativity. 

In my eyes, the martyr in me is the darkness. 

I'm not a perfect person and I don't sit here writing this a whole person who is never plagued by darkness, but by beginning to open up to others about the pain inside and how I feel about myself and life, it has helped me to break down more and more that darkness and switch on a light within the fog. 

For so long I talked a little with people about how I felt, but then id start to go more into my shell because I didn't want people to think I was constantly repeating myself; that I should just snap out of it. I also worried what it would be like to feel happy and confront my darkness. This was all that martyr swimming inside of me and trying to keep me weighed down. 

I believe that note can help anyone who finds it difficult to speak with others about any problems in their life; it could be that a friend is weighing you down, or you feel you are being treated unfairly at work or in a relationship, or is someone who also has that darkness within them and is constantly being negative on themselves and doesn't know how to move forward. 

The more we don't do something, the more the martyr grows within us and ultimately makes a home and makes us believe that what is happening to us is normal and we should accept it. This means that we grow accustomed to being treated or feeling a certain way and that can take a while to get out of. 

No one can see what is going on inside you, so never be afraid to speak to anyone about how you are feeling; everyone wants to help...well most people do. I've found that some people don't want that responsbility and that hurt for a while but I now know there are more than enough people out there to help you. 

I'm trying to now build a preserve a new kind of "Martyr" within me, thanks to attending counselling with Kay of Karma Minds. Having someone there each week to talk with and share how my darkness makes me feel, really does help. It allows me to look at things differently and hopefully everyone can find someone who can make them start to move forward.