Notes from the Underground #7: "I didn't wanna believe it"

This week's notes from the underground comes from a song which is about love, but the message I take it to mean all part of life and it is one that I first heard a good few years ago. 

Seeing what lyric pops out each week is good for me, because I truly believe because know's more about us than we think and I know as I set out to write this weeks Note, it will be a little uncomfortable, but I'm sure it will help. 

So, without further ado, take it away Hinder: 


For anyone who knows me, this song is quite tame compared to what I listen to, but how powerful are those lyrics, especially when you take time to sit back and think about the times in your life when something wasn't right or you were anxious to meet someone or start something for the first time. People would tell you that it will be 'alright' and that you have nothing to worry about, as well as saying that soon you would feel alot better for it. Did you believe them at the time? 

If you answered no, then you are just like me. Whenever I am anxious or feeling down, I don't for one second think that it will work out in the end. We all focus so, so much on the event or the pain we are feeling, that we don't (and don't want to) focus on what we will learn from the situation. That is being human after all, but sometimes its good to sit back and think about all the times where you have experienced difficulties in life and how looking back it really did work out. It might have taken a good few years or a couple of weeks, but no matter the time it takes, the more we can learn from it. I definitely do, but I don't always want to admit it as I'm normally then afraid of doing something else. 

This week I am performing at a bar in Clitheroe, Lancashire, and I'll admit I am nervous, I always experience PGT (Pre Gig Tension) and I'm learning more and more that it does help me. I know if I was too confident and walked in there like I owned the place, I would make a mistake. A little bit of nerves keeps us on our toes, but it never feels like that in the run up to the event. 

I am trying to embrace it more and look forward to what I am going to be doing instead of wanting it to be over with, but this for me is when the darkness starts to pop out and feed me about a 100 different ways of why I'm not good enough. In a way this relates to this week's note, because I know I've gotten through difficult times/moments in the past, but I always hate when the beast tries to rear its ugly head. 

So much of me wants to give in to those voices and just slip back away into my own darkness and hide from the world. It tells me that my home is the best place for me and I shouldn't push myself forward. In the past I would have listened, but I am stronger and know how to fight it more and more. It's about talking and busying myself and in writing this article, I am acomplishing both. 

Life is tough for everyone, we all have our own individual battles and demons to wrestle with on a daily basis, but if we remember that no matter what happens, it will work out in the end, we can deal with each day as it comes and realise in the blink of an eye that we are doing just fine.