Notes from the Underground #3: "I'm not alright for tonight"

The third installment from the Notes of the Underground comes from Icon for Hire and a message which I'm sure many people can relate to and is something I personally find hard to do, but I'm trying hard to improve. 


So many times in life we can find ourselves at a point where we don't feel our best; whether it's an illness we can't shift, the kids aren't going to bed, we are tired from work or just feel annoyed, but we know that there is lots too be done. It's at this point we try so hard to push through everything and end up feeling worse, because we feel like we our letting everyone or ourselves down. 

You might be at that point right now; it doesn't have to be in your home life, it can be in your work or social circles, and it doesn't even need to be at night.  It is also very helpful to take note if you have a big decision on your mind. Overthinking things can leave us drained or lost at what to do. 

Is then that with let things take over our mind more as we try to fake being happy or rush to make a decision that is bothering us or carry on doing work with no passion going into it. 

This is where Icon For Hire, rightfully, say that it's okay to not feel alright. We can't always walk around feeling happy or full of energy, it is fine if you are aren't feeling your best, even if others think you are being lazy or want you to do something. 

I know that i can get to points in my life where I'm not feeling good but try to do things because I feel like it won't be alright and people will judge me for not doing things or going out to socialise. Sometimes, meeting up with people helps but other times just sitting around and watching a few episodes of a random TV show can help. 

Then you can feel recharged to pick up the battle again in the morning, where you can take stock of what has happened and tackle it from a different angle. 

From my personal experiences I know that I need to work on this, because so many times I can let the little things niggle away at me until I am driving myself crazy. I tend to judge myself so harshly if I do solve the problem or the battle right there and then, especially when I let the darkness take over. So many times I've spent all night thinking about how I'm the biggest failure and not doing anything positive with my life, even when I am taking steps to move forward. I will tell myself that I am not doing anything worth while, I should just give up and people would be better off not knowing me, as I have nothing to offer. I then battle with myself trying to let the good come through and end up letting the darkness win and feeling worse.

What I should be doing is realising that its okay to feel down sometimes, as long as I don't let it completely take over me. 

The problem with all of what I do when the darkness comes is find things for me to do, to take my mind away from the battle and just relax, until the morning when I can take stock and be more reasonable. If I waited until that morning light, I would realise that even the smallest thing is a victory and by ignoring the war in my head, I have done something positive. 

Obviously nothing comes easy and we all want to show ourselves as being happy, even when were not. Sometimes we can't just say "I'm not alright" and ignore the world around us for a night, but even just 30 minutes of stepping away from life, acknowledging your not at your best and spending that time just relaxing, can help to make everything seem less crazy and ready to face our battles feeling stronger the next day.