Notes from the Underground #15

It's finally good to have a free Monday so that I can start off the week with a big to do list but also a note from the underground. 

Today it comes from the song distorted reflection by, the boys from Texas, Upon a Burning Body and as always it allows me to look at the past to gain more of a perspective on my current situations and hopefully it does the same for you. 


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Every person makes mistakes in their life; some smaller, others bigger, but it's important to learn from them, as there is no way we can go back in time and change the past. 

Upon reading what I just wrote back and the note from UABB, it all does seem so simple and to some people it will be. Some people can take stock quite quickly and change their mistakes in their favour and get to that next level right away, while for others it can be a horrible process to think back on the big mistakes or cringe worthy moments from the past. 

For me, I think, one of my mistakes from the past was self-harming and something I have do not too long ago. There is something about when I am in internal pain, the knife becomes a way for me to be in control of what I'm doing and feel something else. Is it right?...Nope, and I know that now and have for years.

Strangely I don't feel ashamed to have done it but it is a mistake to constantly do it. By doing it and then hiding it away and not talking about it, I know that it will make me feel worse. So, it is teaching me (when I look back in happier moments) that there is an alternative and for me to push forward through the dark times I need to talk to people, instead of using a quick method for some relief. 

Looking back for anyone can be tough, because the past has been put too bed and by dredging it up it can cause more harm, than good. But, sometimes it does help too look back and realise what didn't work in certain situations to give you more confidence in the future. 

It doesn't have to be a full on evaulation which takes a multitude of form filling and hours of mental pain, but just by seeing a situation from the outside it can take you even further in your life. This could be at work, with friends, hobbies and family. Anything you can find from any point in the past to help you, will be a key asset to taking you were you want to go or just feeling happier in general. 

I have done this with moments when I was anxious in the past and decided not to go to different events. Id feel terrible after, knowing that it would have been fine if Id gone and done it. It's not a massive mistake to miss something, I make my own decisions, but I look back and know that I was letting the anxiety control me and not focusing on the good that could come from the event.

I've still not mastered it, but at first it was hard to look back because I'd always be thinking about how disappointed I was in myself and then i'd get even more nervous and not do the next things. But once I started doing stuff, I was able to replace the disappointment of missing things and focus on the moments which I had pushed through, showing that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. 

Ultimately though nothing is a mistake unless you think of it that way. Life is full of moments we wish we could change but I like to see the bad moments or the "mistakes" as learning opportunities. The more I do that, the more I know I can become a better person for me and keep pushing towards my goals. 
Writing this on a Monday gives a good little outlook for the week ahead, in that no matter what happens this week, good or bad, it will put us in a better position to keep on growing and pushing forward in our lives.